personellement, je trouve que la vie est difficile… notablement quand vous avez les difficulties en étant vulnérable avec les autres, surtout ceux-ci que vous aimez. j’adore voir a les photos de anciens celebres come Jane Birkin et Serge Gainsbourg. c’est un amour vieille école qui me fascine, tel que ces images ici…
images: Andrew Birkin
for the first time in an extremely long time, i’ve started to feel at peace with myself and the things that i’ve been through. things that used to make me cry for hours on end, or upset me, seem to no longer have the same effect. even though i find those things sad all the same, they don’t make me feel like it’s the end of the world anymore. sometimes i have this weird intrusive thought, that a part of me shouldn’t be like this, as if i deserve to be sad, not as calm. that scares me, because it really does confirm that we are often our own worst enemy. perhaps i’m like this because i’ve been accustomed to the sadness. it’s something i’ve become comfortable with; accepting it as normal: but it’s not. all i’m trying to make out through this little paragraph of words is that even though i’m inherently a broken person, i’m starting to realise that it’s okay. and life really does go on, regardless of your flaws and imperfections. for me, it’s taken so much time just to get to this stage of being calm, and relatively relaxed. many years of pain, sadness, confusion. but even though this is one little cornerstone, i’m glad i’m finally on the right track to some semblance of stability. change has always been a quiet fear of mine, but now it doesn’t seem all so bad. i’ve had a few people who i could say have helped me realise things, but ultimately, the only person responsible for this is myself.